The Quack, issue 308
The Cool Jane edition
Good morning! Happy Fall!
I’m a little late getting started this morning. I had one of those wake-ups where I was so disoriented, I had to stare at my alarm for a good five seconds before I knew what I was looking at.
Groggy Dave aside, it’s the fall equinox! Hurray! I love fall. This week was the perfect descent into the loveliest season. The earlier part of the week was so hot, we went swimming on the north shore. The latter half of the week was so cool and sunny. A few early mornings, the temperature dipped below ten degrees. Perfect sleeping weather.
I always thought the equinox—which literally means “equal night”—marked the date when the length of day and night were exactly the same. It turns out, because of some astronomical trickery and funny definitions of sunrise and sunset, we have to wait a few more days for that. The actual day of equal sunlight and sunset (for PEI anyway) is on Wednesday. So if I see you that day, I shall wish you a joyful second equinox.
And look at that. As I type this sentence, the clock struck 7:01 a.m., which is the exact time of our local sunrise at equinox. See you again at 7:09 p.m. for sunset.
(Sunrise and sunset on Wednesday are at 7:03 a.m. and p.m., by the by.)
More skunks
I know I paid homage to skunks last week, but my life this time of year is just so skunk-filled. My skunk runneth over.
The patron fauna of fall, for me, is the skunk. They are so present in the early morning when I’m out walking the paper route. Thursday, I opened the front door before six o’clock to find an extremely cute skunk sniffing at my bundle of newspapers. I greeted him with a gentle “hello” so as to not startle him. He finished his newspaper sniffing and trundled up the dark driveway into the back yard.
Later that same morning, I stumbled upon a pair of skunks wrasslin’ in the grass in front of a seniors complex on Duvar Court. I say “wrasslin’”, because it felt like they were having more fun than if they were actually wrestling. They weren’t fighting so much as playing. They were so involved in their wrasslin’, they didn’t even notice me. I was able to stroll by, haul out my phone, and take some (admittedly dark and blurry) video.
The paper route has its usual cast of characters who I run into most days, and every one of them is talking about the skunks. “There’s a skunk under that telephone pole up there,” Bearded Dog-walker Man said to me one day this week as we crossed paths. “Be careful.”
“Oh, I will,” I replied. “And going the other way, watch out for the one by the apartment’s garbage bins.”
I wasn’t able to get any clear photos of skunks this week, so please content yourself with the photo of Lolo at the top of this section. This is yesterday morning as I was making the food plan and grocery list for the week. She’s “helping”. If I go to my Google Photos and search for “skunks”, Google always serves up endless photos of Lolo.
Cool Jane
Our Jane started university this fall. She’s taking music at UPEI. The music department is a small and cozy one, and we’re thrilled she’s found a home there.
On her longer days, I pack her a sandwich. I know she can do it her dang self, but I like doing it. She keeps it in the fridge at school, and she’s been warned to label her food lest it be thrown out by a zealous daily fridge monitor.
I thought labelling her sandwich “Cool Jane” would be a great way to let her fellow classmates know what kind of cool person they’re dealing with.
“Who’s sandwich is this?” they’d say, picking it up and reading the label. “Oh wow, Cool Jane.”
“Who’s Cool Jane?” a fellow student would say.
“You know that first year student with the beautiful curly hair?” the first student would say.
“Oh yes,” the second student would say. “She sure is cool.”
“It’s right there on the sandwich,” the first student would say. “Sandwiches don’t lie.”
And then everyone would start calling her Cool Jane. I thought it would be so nice to be given such a neat nickname so early in her school career. She’d walk around campus, and people would say “there goes Cool Jane. She’s so cool.”
And they’d know that, because it’s right there in her name.
In four years, as she walks across the stage to collect her degree at convocation, the university president would read her name aloud.
“Cool Jane.”
And everyone in the audience would chuckle. And they would know exactly who Cool Jane is, because that’s what everyone would call her.
“Congratulations, Cool Jane,” the president would say, shaking her hand.
“Thank you, madam president,” Cool Jane would say, a broad smile stretching across her face.
The band would strike up a stirring and inspiring song. The handshake would linger a little bit. Cool Jane would walk to the front of the stage and throw her hat into the air. The entire assembled audience would stand to their feet cheering. The movie would end on a freeze frame of Cool Jane smiling wide, looking out onto the sea of cheering admirers, before fading to black and the rolling of the credits.
Anyway. Jane didn’t like my label so she changed it.
Thanks for hanging out for another Sunday morning. Happy Fall! Make sure you get out in that crisp cool air today. Get some sun on your face.
Thanks, as always, to the members of my Patreon. I’m overdue for an update to these amazing heroes. Keep your eyes peeled, patrons. It’s coming.
Have a great week.